Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
