i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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