I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
