Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
