Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
