I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
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