We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
