she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
