If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
