FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
