Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
