Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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