i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Come share oat with me in your robe
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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