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he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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