it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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