whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
