DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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