Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
