Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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