idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
