she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
