so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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