I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
