I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
