I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
