**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
we're so committed to being not committed
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
