I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
