My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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