You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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