I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
