Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
