Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
