Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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