he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
