Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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