Pappa wants mamma naked
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
