I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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