You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
