I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
