Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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