Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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