That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
