she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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