I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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