remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
