And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
