so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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