How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
