It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
