I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
