i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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